Not the conversation I wanted to have....

When Dr. Alexander told us this morning that Dad was no longer a candidate for the whipple, I asked  him when he was going to tell Dad. He said he didn't want to tell him today b/c Dad would still be under anesthesia and would not remember what he was told. I know Dad, though. I told the doc that when Dad wakes up in recovery, the first question he is going to ask is, "What time is it?" When the time is mid-afternoon and not evening, he's already going to know that the surgery didn't progress as planned and start asking questions of me.

I hate when I'm right....

Mom and I were called back to recovery around 2:15. We were only allowed to stay until 2:35. Dad was sound asleep when he first saw him, which was good, b/c Mom and I needed a box of tissues. Just the thought of the news that he was going to hear when he woke up.....*sigh*

About 5 minutes into our visit, he woke up and said.....(wait for it....wait for it...wait for it)
"What time is it?"  I acted like I didn't hear him hoping that he would really just fall back into drug sleep. No such luck. Finally, I had to tell him it was 2:30. Then he said, "So what'd they say?" Again, I pretended like I had a sudden hearing loss, hoping sleep would take over. No such luck. Of course, it hadn't really been a day of good luck.

Me: "The good news is, your infected gall bladder is gone and that drain is gone. However, they were not able to take 'it' out." (go to sleep, please go back to sleep....for goodness sake you are all drugged up, can you please be like normal people and sleep this off?)

Dad: "Why not?"

Me: (if I could just find that pain button right now, I'd push it) Well......they found that a major artery was involved with the cancer, and it just wasn't safe to take anything out today."

Dad: "Oh."

And then he fell back to sleep and I thought that perhaps he wouldn't remember anything I said. Good, I am off the hook.

NOT! He woke up again and picked up our conversation where he left off.

Dad: "So what's the plan with that tumor then?"

Me: "I don't know, Dad. I don't have any details. The team is getting together to problem solve next steps. I'm sure Dr. Alexander will go over everything with you later." (Now can you please stop asking me questions? This is not the conversation that I wanted to have.)

I'm used to telling parents things they don't want to hear, but need to hear. Typically, though, it's not my own parents.

So now Mom and I are back in the waiting room. Dad will be moved to his room when he comes out of anesthesia a little more and we'll be able to go be with him. I hope by that time someone else has had a talk with him. I could really use a room to just go scream in right now.

Prayers now more than ever, please!

Much love to all....Jen