Overwhelming, Terrifying, and Worth a Good Cry...or Two

Yes, I know. It's been too many days since my last post. Let me catch everyone up.....

Originally, Dad was supposed to have had surgery today to remove that 4cm tumor from his pancreas. Well, change in plans....slightly.

Last Tuesday night, Dad had received a call from the radiation oncologist. His team had met again on his case that day and determined that since he had experienced such a significant systemic infection, he was not in the best shape to undergo a major surgery. That infection caused major tissue inflammation around his gall bladder and liver. His surgery was going to be delayed at least two weeks if the plan remained to do surgery first and then treatment. The team didn't want to do nothing. It is, after all, pancreatic cancer. So, they decided to do chemo and radiation prior to surgery, and begin that immediately. That would ensure that the margins would be clearer and larger when surgery does occur, and that "something" would be happening in this war on this cancer while the inflammation settles. I was actually glad to hear that he wouldn't be having this surgery yet. Dad is much better, and getting stronger each day, but he's not where he was October 5th. He needs time.

Last Wednesday's appointment was originally scheduled to be the "pre-op" appointment, but it turned out to be another consultative appointment to see the team again, to review the new plan and to meet the medical oncologist, Dr. Jiang. She is new to UMMC, and seems very good and is very well respected by Drs. Alexander and Regine.  If those two view her as a rock star, she must be.

So again, we left UMMC feeling pretty good. The team is in place. The plan is in place. The accommodations are set up. Dad will begin treatment this Wednesday. He has 28 radiation treatments ahead of him, with 6 weekly chemo infusions each on Thursdays....all in Baltimore. Mom and Dad will go down on Mondays. Stay for the week, and return after treatment on Fridays. While my sister was in town last week, she was able to set up arrangements with the Tremont Hotel in Baltimore for my parents. There is an arrangement between the cancer center and this hotel for discounted rates to "live" in their kitchenette suites through the week while patients undergo treatment. They provide free parking and a free shuttle to and from the center.

 Old people do NOT like to leave home. They do NOT like change, and they especially do NOT like a change in their routine. My parents fit into this mold. Yep, I said it.....out loud. But Dad knows that this really is the way it has to be. If he wants the best care and be close to his team of doctors throughout treatment days, he and Mom must do this. It's not going to be an easy 6 weeks, but we believe we are blessed to have this care within a reasonable distance. We are thankful for the accommodations provided by the Tremont at such a reasonable price. These gifts have been placed before us, and we plan to unwrap each week ahead.

As Wednesday draws near, I know Mo
mand Dad get a little more anxious. It is overwhelming and terrifying and worth a good cry or two to know that you are in "the club." It's much different sitting in the waiting room surrounded by people of all ages who have not a strand of hair on their heads knowing that YOU are now one of them. You are all part of the same club. You are not visiting. You are one and the same. You have cancer. You're "pretty" sure you'll be okay, but your mind wanders. You think about your kids. You think about the possibility of not being there for them anymore. It is overwhelming and terrifying and worth every bit of a good cry or two....or ten trillion.

I talked with Mom tonight. Dad was sleeping. She said he felt even stronger today than yesterday. He seemed to eat well throughout the day. These little victories.....  The topic of what was to come the rest of the week came up. I heard the change in the tone of her voice----stress. It's the responsibility of being the driver in addition to being the caregiver. It's too much. She needs to be focused on Dad, not the drive. The drive is easy. I can do that. Matt can do that. As Pete the Cat says, "It's allllll good."